restraining order on girlfriend or her parents… help!?
Published by admin on June 28, 2011My 16 yr old son has this girlfriend that I do not approve of. Only because she is disrespectful to me and my family and she has parents that are… lets just say they have pretty liberal parenting styles. She gets whatever she wants. I am trying to discipline my son for having bad grades and ground him, but I found out that her mother is driving her to his school (they go to different schools) and spending time with him at lunch (her school is over), and she just helps her daughter find time to spend with him. How can I discipline my son if another parent doesn’t respect my wishes? Can I get a restraining order against them (not that I want to go that far, but talking to them doesn’t help). She feels that I am too hard on my son and that her daughter should get her way. Do I just make him stick to me like glue, he can’t get off groundation cause he keeps screwing up and finding ways to get into trouble. Now I am nothing but a meanie, cause I am on his case, but I don’t want to give up on him. He is a good kid in general (when he isn’t with her, he has a good attitude and is happy, when he is with her, he walks on eggshells). Help!
Sounds like the other mother wants a grandchild.
http://BoysGirlsNSexEd.org
My best friend was in a similar situation to this.
All I can say is that at some point, you have to let him learn to
deal with his problems on his own. He’ll learn that repeatedly getting
bad grades will eventually lead to him not graduating high school.
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Sounds like the other mother wants a grandchild.
http://BoysGirlsNSexEd.org
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♂♀
Odds are pretty good, if he was ‘walking on eggshells’ around her, he’d just break up with her. Kids aren’t dumb. If you don’t approve of her, then let him know, but be understanding. he obviously has reasons for staying with her. & having lunch with someone is not the end of the world. Just because the mother has a different parenting style than you do does not make it wrong, or bad. A restraining order is entirely out of line. Those are meant for people who have someone stalking them, threatening their well-being etc. The girlfriend and her mother are doing none of that. I suggest letting things just calm down, and if she still bothers you, talk to your son about why it does, and find a less drastic solution to it.
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I don’t think you can get a restraining order over something like that nor do I think it is necessary. I also feel like you are judging the girl’s parents and that is why you don’t want your son to be with her. If you have good reason then fine, but simply having a narrow mind isn’t a sufficient reason to hate someone. You can try sitting down with your son and discussing his behavior changes whenever his girlfriend is around, explain that you feel she is a bad influence, and would appreciate it if he would minimize contact with her. Be respectful and calm when you talk to him because being angry will only make him want to go against your wishes. If he doesn’t accept, you’re just going to have to let him learn the hard way – you can’t control you’re son’s actions, the best you can do is give him your advice
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i’m 16
As I understand it, you grounded him for not doing well on his grades so he is not allowed to go anywhere other than school and home. Therefore, seeing his girlfriend at school is technically not breaking the grounding rules. Also, the mother and her daughter are doing nothing illegal or violent so there is no basis for a restraining order. I totally understand that you do not like the girl and that them finding a loophole around the grounding is not responsible or respectable on the other mom’s part, but the more a parent tries to push apart teen bf/gf’s, the more they rebel. Since he is a good kid when he isn’t with her, maybe its time to sit down with him and explain calmly, and with carefully chosen words, the behaviors of his girlfriend that irritate you. Then, ask him what good qualities he sees in her. Offer to at least try to get to know her on the condition that he advise the girl to treat you with respect and see if she is willing to get to know you. Maybe if you meet him in the middle a little bit, he will eventually see that the girl is indeed a spoiled brat and disrespectful but he’ll see you as having tried sincerely. While it is very important that you insist your son follow your rules, it really seems from the outside peeking in that the main reason you grounded him is to get him away from her. I think he sees through that.
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Hi, you could try reverse psychology.Turn on the sugar. Be sweet to her. Let him do his thing as long as it is not dangerous in any way. If he knows you dont want her in the picture, It will just drive him to fight to keep the relationship with her, and YOU will be the big bad MOM. If you dont keep trying to drive them apart, and just act like it is his life. he may well learn that she is not a great person, she may start disrespecting him. Now remember HE may be the one who is complaining to them about you and your rules. etc. and how terrible you are and gaining their sympathy and causing her to be disrespectful to you. I cannot say this for sure I dont know you and your son, but maybe they do think they have reason, and are being manipulated by your son. If you detach , he may get sick of walking on eggshells around her, but will not see her true colors as long as he is rebelling against you .. stop complaining about her. tell him he is old enough to choose his friends, separate what he does at home from her, and stop blaming her for any of his misdeeds.(Not easy I know). You dont need to give up on him. Just as the other answerer suggested, let him experience his own life. If she is really the nasty one, he will catch on, but it will take longer if they are both allies against you. Just tell him you really do like her and her family sounds nice, thank her Mom if she does anything nice for your son, it may change things around .I know this is your precious boy and its hard to do this, but he will have many experiences in life you cannot protect him from. You have done a good job as a mother if he is a good kid like you say. This may be a lesson he has to learn for himself..rebelling against you will just get in the way.. good luck and God bless.
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life experience
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