How to break the cycle of temper tantrums while building self-esteem?
Published by admin on August 29, 2010I am having a hard time with my 27 mo old throwing loud, dramatic tantrums. I am with her 99% of the time and I hate to say it, but I feel like I’m failing and I am literally losing my mind. I am trying everything I can think of to calm her down, sometimes my strategies are calm and rational and sometimes they are not. And as of late, I have been giving in just to calm her down which only makes the Tantrums more frequent. Any advice on how to break the cycle of tantrums while preserving self-esteem?
PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN each time another tantrum is thrown.
(When they are old enough to realize Right / Wrong, begin the NAUGHTY SPOT-technique.
%With each outburst, place them in [a specified spot] for a duration of time that you feel is adequate (commonly 1 minute per each year of age.)
Then EXPLAIN why you placed them in this spot, giving them the altimatum to remain quiet (staying out of the Naughty Spot (N.S.) or return to this spot for each tantrum and duration-time.
PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN each time another tantrum is thrown.
(When they are old enough to realize Right / Wrong, begin the NAUGHTY SPOT-technique.
%With each outburst, place them in [a specified spot] for a duration of time that you feel is adequate (commonly 1 minute per each year of age.)
Then EXPLAIN why you placed them in this spot, giving them the altimatum to remain quiet (staying out of the Naughty Spot (N.S.) or return to this spot for each tantrum and duration-time.
References :
Jo Frost (Super Nanny)
v s, I honestly thing the question you’re asking is more of a dialog than a specific answer. I’d first explore themes in what’s setting her off. Is it transitions? Is she often overly tired or hungry when she’s having tantrums? Can you identify common conditions that inspire her meltdowns?
Once you identify themes, you can minimize certain factors that lead to tantrums (pay closer attention to nap schedules if it’s fatigue-related, or food schedules if it’s hunger-related, or transitions, etc. etc.)
Next, I’d explore what you mean by "giving in".. because if you can calm her down by "giving in" it implies you’re having a battle to start with. What exactly are you "giving in" to? Are you carefully picking your battles? Here’s an example.. at about 2 years of age, my daughter would start to get really angry if I would sing along to the music if she was listening to one of her songs. She’s say, "don’t sing mom." I thought about it for a second and thought.. wow.. she has so little control over her world, let’s see what happens if I give her a little… so I’d say, "okay, I’m sorry, you let me know when I can sing." Usually fifteen seconds would pass and then she’d say, "you can sing now mom." She just wanted something in our little world that she had some say over. Does she need to have some things that she can control and/or are you battling her for control over things that you could let go?
My pediatrician told me early on that our kids have control over very little, but they can control what they eat, whether or not they sleep and when/how they potty.. so these are all issues to approach with care, not to battle. I DO feel like I battle my daughter over sleeping (or going to sleep, specifically) but/and it’s a work in progress. We had the easiest time on the planet with potty training, and I think it’s probably because we had the combination of her readiness with my unwillingness to make potty training a battle ground.
SO, my advice is to dig deeper into what’s causing the tantrums and what, if any, roll you play in them.
References :
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